Opening for meeting Onwards & Upwards Sunday 28th December 2025

This evening, we’re here together for one reason.

Not because we set out to end up here.
Not because we woke up one day and decided, “I’d like to have a complicated, painful relationship with alcohol.”

We’re here because of a slippery slope we found ourselves on without ever knowingly choosing it.

All we did, at the start, was what everyone else was doing.
Having fun.
Chilling out.
Being young.
Being wild.
Partying.

And somewhere along the way, without a clear line in the sand, the fun disappeared.

The chilling out turned into anxiety.
The social drinking turned into drinking alone.
And we were left with the crazy... at a party of one.

Most of us here will be familiar with “The Broken Promises Cycle”

We’ve made a thousand promises to ourselves:
“Never again.”
“Not like that.”
“Next time will be different.”

We’ve asked ourselves the same painful questions:
Why me?
Why can’t I just have one?
Why does everyone else seem to manage this?

And we’ve convinced ourselves, over and over,
that today will be different.

Just one.
Just to take the edge off.
Just to fit in.
Just to quiet the noise.
Just because.

And one turns into two.
Two turns into three.
And suddenly we’re back there again:
Messy.
Argumentative.
Tearful.
Ashamed.
Guilt-ridden.

Staring at ourselves wondering how we got here again.

The Seduction of Alcohol

So the obvious question is:
Why is it so hard to let go of the one thing that causes so much turmoil in our lives?

Why is alcohol so seductive?

Why do intelligent, capable, thoughtful women stay hooked,
even when all the evidence is pointing to the same truth:

That alcohol is harming us.
Physically.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.

Why is that so hard to accept?

And here’s the honest answer:

I don’t have a neat, intellectual explanation.

There are many factors; biology, culture, trauma, conditioning, but I stopped trying to think my way out of my drinking a long time ago.

Because thinking never saved me.

The Truth About “One Drink”

What I do know, what I am absolutely clear on, is this:

If I have one drink, I want more.

That want persists regardless of:
How good my life is
How strong my values are
How much I have to lose
How much insight I think I have

That want overrides my intellect.
It overrides my values.

That’s not a moral failing.
That’s not weakness.
That’s just how it is.

And if that is true...
then the potential for harm when I drink is huge.

That’s not drama.
That’s not exaggeration.

That’s a basic risk assessment.

Normalising the Blind Spot

When I was around 28, during my first period of truly dangerous drinking,
the idea that I might have a problem didn’t even cross my mind.

Not addiction.
Not harmful drinking.
Not dependency.

I thought I was entirely justified.

Life was hard.
I was coping.
I was doing what I needed to do.

And I held onto that thinking for years, drinking my way through the good, the bad, and the indifferent.

I was ashamed.
I hid it.
But I didn’t really question it.

I only faced it when I heard other women speak their truth.

I was 50 years old.

And yes, sometimes I still ask myself:
Why did it take me so long?

That question is part of my acceptance.

Keeping It Simple

What I’ve learned in nearly three years of sustained sobriety is that I have to keep things simple.

Because getting sober is hard.

It requires a level of honesty with ourselves that can feel almost unmerciful at times, and sometimes that honesty has to extend to the people closest to us.

When we were drinking, many of us lived our lives with a great big elephant in every room.

We knew we were drunk.
They knew we were drunk.
And somehow, we convinced ourselves we were acting normally.

Acknowledging that, first to ourselves, and then sometimes to others, is painful.
But it’s also honest.
And honesty is freeing.

You don’t have to spill every detail.
You don’t owe anyone your life story.

It can be as simple as saying:
“This is harder than I thought, so I’m keeping a low profile for a while until I get used to not drinking. Can you help me do that?”

That is enough.

And keeping it simple in early sobriety often means making very practical, protective choices:

Don’t go to social events where drinking is involved for a while.
Don’t invite people around to your house for celebrations.
Don’t socialise at events centred around alcohol.
Don’t walk down the alcohol aisle in the supermarket.

This isn’t hiding.

This is you setting boundaries.
This is you allowing yourself the space you need to get through the first, most vulnerable period of sobriety.

And yes, this kind of vulnerability can feel especially hard for many of us.

As mothers.
As partners.
As women who are used to holding everything together and sorting everyone else’s problems out.

But scars don’t heal if we keep picking at them.

Early sobriety is a wound that needs care, not pressure.

Give yourself time.
Give yourself space.
Give yourself permission to breathe.

Stay connected, go to meetings on the good days as well as the bad ones. Keep your sober battery on full. Stay tethered to your sobriety and your community, make it part of your routine. One thing sobriety gives you is time, use some it to focus on your own needs, it takes time for sobriety to become your normal but even then complacency can creep in. Make sobriety part of you, who you are and something you value. It´s not a chore, it´s a gift.

My simple truth is this... I need clarity not another podcast or lesson on neuro plasticity,

I can’t afford rabbit holes.
I can’t afford endless analysis.
I can’t afford navel-gazing. I have to stay tethered to my truth.

And my truth is very clear:

I cannot drink alcohol.

Not today.
Not socially.
Not carefully.
Not someday.

That clarity isn’t restrictive, it’s freeing.

Because once I stopped arguing with alcohol,
I finally had space to build a life without it.

Reflections

“What did you hear tonight that felt true for you?”
“What does ‘one drink’ actually mean for you, not in theory, but in reality?”
“Where are you being asked right now to keep things simpler than you’d like?
“What do you need most from your sobriety or from this group tonight?”

If you’re struggling tonight,
If part of you still wants to negotiate, minimise, or bargain,
you are not broken.

But alcohol is not neutral for us.

And the sooner we stop asking it to be something it can never be,
the sooner we can begin to heal.

You don’t need all the answers tonight.
You don’t need certainty.
You don’t need confidence.

You just need honesty.

And you don’t have to do this alone.

Sandra x

• The Journal – Number of people seeking help to cut alcohol use is at its highest in over a decade.

• BBC – Woman’s 300-mile walk for “life-changing” charity. 

• US News – Menstrual cycle and link to drinking.

• After – Alcohol-Free Magazine (July 2025).

• Brené Brown - Marriage is not 50/50.