Grey Area Drinking

Subsequently the word grey came up again recently in relation to ‘grey area drinking’. I have listened to former drinkers and read the work of sober literature authors who speak and write about ‘grey area drinking’ and the term has always intrigued me.

The term ‘grey area drinking’ originated, according to the Alcohol Change UK website, from an American woman called Jolene Park, who first mentioned it in a TED talk in 2015. According to Jolene Park, “grey area drinking is the space between these two extremes, what she describes in her talk as the extremes of ‘rock bottom drinking’ and ‘every-now-and-again drinking’’.

Some can use the term ‘grey area drinking’ as a get-out clause or a way of minimising their problem with alcohol - “I wasn’t an alcoholic or anything, more of a grey area drinker”. This makes me pause as I reflect on my own drinking history and I wonder if I was to complete a questionnaire looking at the history of alcohol abuse, what would I be categorised as? The thing is, there are so many different shapes or shades of grey. Honestly I know in terms of my own drinking, that I have oscillated between the shades of deepest, darkest charcoal grey and the palest, almost opaque pearl grey. There were times in my life when alcohol did not play the leading role, but it’s voice always had me in its clutches; like a siren it was always insistent and always calling.

I can choose to categorise my past drinking life in any way I want, but the truth of the matter is I was addicted to an addictive substance and just because I call myself a grey area drinker, it doesn’t necessarily make it any less palatable or easier to accept. What I have in common with someone for example in the worst-case scenario who has lost everything to their addiction to alcohol is this. I was addicted to exactly the same substance that they were addicted to; the only difference is that I managed to get out in time. I have no doubt that if I had carried on stumbling down the road I was on, I would have lost everything too and that it literally was only a matter of time. I think it is good for me to remember that, especially as I am someone who likes being able to put things into boxes and categorise and compartmentalise.

It could be argued that ascribing yourself the category of being a grey area drinker is perhaps prettifying or minimising your addiction. How does black area drinking sound? Or red area drinking? I understand that in using the word grey, it covers different greys, different grades and shades, but in using the word grey is there not a danger of softening the trajectory of our addiction? Instead let me spell it out in black and white. I drank too much; I was addicted to alcohol and alcohol became my reason for living. For any of you who might think that this is too harsh or that I am overexaggerating, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a woman who drank. The first thing she did in the morning after waking up was she figured out whether today was going to be a drinking day. If it was, her heartbeat would quicken and she would leap out of bed and get on with the day with energy and gusto because she knew that later she could sip the ethanol that would take her away from it all. That woman was me and this is my story which leaves me with a sense of incredulity still. Was life really that bad that I had to escape so often, so much of the time? No, of course not, but I was in the tightest grip of addiction. I did not think I would ever be able to survive without alcohol in my life.

I know that I minimised my drinking for years and denial was my deadliest weapon in my campaign to convince myself and everyone else that I did not have a problem with alcohol. I know that I still minimise my drinking sometimes simply because reflecting back on my drinking career is so painful that I could quite easily become submerged in an ocean of regret. But I do acknowledge and accept how harmful it actually was, and that is why I am here. However you choose to classify your drinking, whether you want to tie your drinking story up into a nice, neat bundle with a pretty (grey) bow on top, and call yourself a grey area drinker, that is entirely up to you. I prefer to try for the most part to embrace the messiness of my addiction and that doesn’t really fit into any particular shape or shade. I embrace my past mistakes and lately I have learned to be grateful for them, because if I hadn’t had a problem with drinking, I wouldn’t be here amongst all of you strong, kick-ass warrior women. I wouldn’t be slowly and steadily rising every day to meet the challenges and the beautiful everyday madness of being wholly and fully alive.

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It could be argued that ascribing yourself the category of being a grey area drinker is perhaps prettifying or minimising your addiction.

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